Begin

Step to the front of the line, begin.
Move out of the dull and lifeless, begin.
Detach old hates and terrors, begin.
Enter the home of the living, begin.
Sit down on a chair of hope, begin.
Drink the liquid eternity, begin.

Leave Me

Leave me where you always do.
On the edge no inbetween.
Always outside
A heartless bargain
Give me and I'll let you
The perimeter does not fit
Tiring of trying to move in
You leave me
where my heart says I can not stay

Waters

Waves at the Beach
Dangerous yet enchanting
White water so adhering
as it wets the sand
Underlying currents
Enhancing and detracting life
Creatures of the unknown world
Gratefully escaping our knowledge
Excitement lurks
Under green waters
Land meets water
Our sources of life
We continue to live

Circumstance

Victims of circumstance
the poor and the lifeless
definitions of poverty, malnutrition and abuse.
Born to learn hunger, deprivation and disease.
The world is our
to have and to hold.
government denies this marriage
bragging infidelity.
Bring proof
loyalties and power mean nothing.
Children are starving.
Open the eyes to your heart
overlook the ignorance
breathe intelligence.
The world is ours
in sickness and in health
till death do us part.

Moondancing

Every night the right one,
every moment exact.
Perfectly acceptable,
even the moon says... yes.
Try it,
what can you lose.
Go up to your Moondancer
and love him.
You can't let go,
at least not until the moon goes away.

Obligation

Do you have an obligation to be
What you dreamed of as a child?
Just to be is a heavy thing
Working on raw emotion
And incomplete data
Life is running at hyper speed
Can you remember what you dreamed of
As a child?
Is there obligation in the remembering.
Wiped out memory and mind
Some hypnotic binge
Brings me to a new conclusion.
The child remembers many thoughts,
Which one is true?
How do you figure
The true self emerges.
Are people stamped true or false?
What uneasiness should I recognize, as I am propelled on into a new tomorrow.
Do you have an obligation to be
What you dreamed of as a child,
Or what you are dreaming now.
True or false, being is a heavy thing.

Contemplating the future, and regretting the past seems to be a constant theme of mine. I have always been envious of those who have known from the beginning what they were meant to do in life. My path has not been so clear, or the light is not on.

Just BE?

Regret screams through like a train
Looking back on life with many whys
Rather than wows
What should you be
When you won’t allow yourself
To just be
Regret speeds through
I wonder when did I stop
Liking myself and accepting
These half emotions in my life
Some days emotion overwelhms
And others barely radar
Regret sails through
This life is not unexamined
It has been disected and picked over
So it must be worth living
What are the regrets for
Places that I should be
Persons that I should be
Reasons that I should be
Why can’t I just be?

Also written in Palm Springs - too many Margarita's in the hot tub made me crazy, and turned my skin into mush.

The Mask

Pleasure in the mask
A face that’s not so true
Wear it when you question
Which one is really you

Comfort in the shade
Hiding from the sun
Wanting to be seen
Wanting to dash and run

Can’t believe the waste
In putting on a face
The energy that’s needed
To keep your mind in race

Especially untrue
When all you need to do
Is mark the world with
The mask that is you.

Written more recently on a trip in Palm Springs.

It's Cold

There comes a time in your life
when you realize the reality of the situation you are in
you have given all you can
you have expected effort back on your lovers part
then you realize that all you are is sex
that's it
It makes the loving cold
and the memories sting
This feeling of being used
makes your soul cry for justice
The is no justice in the world of selfishness
no justice at all
you must create your own
Reach down into the soul that you have lost
grasp those last remaining pieces of self
and move on

July 29, 1989 - Written after a break-up of course when most poetry is written. I was pissed that I had stayed in this relationship so long.

Fear Walker

Running faster
It doesn't matter
How fast I run
It follows just as fast
The time is now
Break through the fog
Turn my shaking body
Toward my fear
Open my paralyzed mouth
And breathe
Pry my eyes open
Attempt to focus
I want out
Everyday I am squeezed by fear
Fear of life of death
Of darkness and light
My throat constricting
The air is choking me
Yet I can't get enough
Scanning all directions
For a way out
I pray for eternal peace
I need to point at something
"That is my fear"
I would forever be pointing
Not pinpointing
My neck and stomach
Are sailors knots
My blood pressure boils
I worry
I have stress
To the point of distress
Depression
Yet I am still here
Still functioning
Sometimes on a challenge
I dare you to kill me
I am constantly walking through fear
Life is hard to remember
Fear walkers have little memory
Legs are jello
Shaky newborn foals
I only wish I had four
It would spread the imbalance
Giving me a larger
Center of gravity.


Obviously written during a time of great anxiety. My life seems to run on ebbs and flows on great and small anxiety. But I am still fear walking - written about 4 years ago.

Players

My fingers do not fumble over that seven letter word.
My heart is not quick to sadden anymore.
My eyes do not wander away from the page.
For now I am used to its sight and its sound.
It is a word uttered on every married couples lips.
Their children sing along also.
You will never forget the day you stopped feeling,
and found the word divorce almost appealing.

Written in 1982 when my parents were fighting constantly. They later divorced.

Beams

Moonlight casts beams of hope,
Dreams and promises consume each ray,
Love seems to enchant the moonlight.
Animating each shaft of hope,
Time is forever endless,
Shattering the days anger,
Disregarding the sorrow,
Reliving only the agreeable,
Hoping tomorrow catches the beam.

Written when I was 17, published in the school newspaper. All girls Catholic school, where we had to wear wool skirts even in the dead of summer. Real fun.

Money

A boy found a penny
and he cherished it
protected its life
told it his dreams.

A young man found a dollar
and he saved it
hid it in a box
stowed it away.

An older man found many dollars
too many to care
and he spent them
never saving one.

An elderly man found a penny
it told him of a young boys' dreams
and he cherished it.

One of my favorites, but also one of those poems that you wonder "Did I hear this somewhere before?" Another high school poem. For some reason I was very reflective at this point in my life.

Right the Wrong

Light beams seen through the looking glass
Spectrums of experience, particles of dust
Your to late to recover the dirt of the past
You can face it
Or choose to hide and evade it
Strength shall be your only blessing
Alone you must find an answer
To encompass every question
Belief will be your savior

Can't remember the exact reason I wrote this, but from reading it - must have been at a time when I was burnt by someone.

Thunder

Lights blare,
redundant color.
Shuffling feet,
with money continues.
Childhood dreams,
shattered by truth.
Violence all.
only for romance.
Personal vengance,
for a night forgotten.
Thunder hits,
death its punishment.

I had in my head an image of a call girl gone bad. Pissed off by a John that forgot how special she was.

Smokeless

One down nineteen to go.
The smoke begins to occupy the lonely room,
yet she remains smokeless.
She dared to say yes.
Now her only wish was to have said no.
Deserted by a false warrior,
she is left with the burden.
Renamed by society,
a member of a pitied stereotype.
Betrayed by friends turned strangers.
Nineteen down one to go,
the smoke invades
yet she remains smokeless.

Written in high school about teenage pregnancy. The minds eye held a picture of a strong, stubborn girl unaffected by the smoke around her. Unfortunately that is not always the case with teenage pregnancies.